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As we have all seen this weekend, there was one of the worst flash flooding events in recent history in the Texas Hill Country. An idyllic retreat for girls, where faith is nurtured, confidence built, and lifelong relationships are formed, quickly turned into horror in a blink of an eye. Recent reports show a flash flooding event happened in the middle of the night, and with it, cabins swept away and total destruction ensued. Details are still emerging, but 27 girls and staff lost their lives at Camp Mystic. Countless more families and loved ones were swept away along the Guadalupe River. There are countless stories of heroism and courage in the midst of these stories.
Camp Mystic released a statement that said: “Camp Mystic is grieving the loss of 27 campers and counselors following the catastrophic flooding on the Guadalupe river. Our hearts are broken alongside our families that are enduring this unimaginable tragedy. We are praying for them constantly. We have been in communication with local and state authorities who are tirelessly deploying extensive resources to search for our missing girls. We are deeply grateful for the outpouring of support from community, first responders, and officials at every level. We ask for your continued prayers, respect and privacy for each of our families affected. May the Lord continue to wrap His presence around all of us.”
There are multiple layers here. There are families who lost a child or multiple children. Families whose child survived but their child’s best friends did not. Families whose child knows someone who died. Families who lost their young adults, families who lost their parents or other family members. The list goes on and on.
I am going to focus this newsletter on helping parents whose children who have been impacted by the devastating news, and giving parents some tools in talking with their kids.
Below is a trauma-informed framework broken into what to consider in the immediate aftermath of a trauma, in the days/weeks after, and what to watch for long-term:
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🛑 IMMEDIATE RESPONSE (First Hours–Days)
ENSURE SAFETY
• Be present: Stay close and physically available. Even young kids may have heightened separation anxiety. This advice is going to look different for the different types of scenarios and the level of impact that happened.
• Limit exposure: Shield from ongoing news coverage, loud conversations, or graphic details. Follow your child's lead on the types of questions they are wanting to understand and know. Avoid 24/7 news cycle, especially for younger brains that may think they are in immediate danger.
• Use peaceful language: “You’re safe now. I’m here. We’re okay. We are going to get through this.”
NORMALIZE REACTIONS
• Crying, clinging, regression (e.g., bedwetting, tantrums), hyper-vigilance (asking questions repetitively) are normal responses to abnormal events.
• Normalize the fear. What happened was literally terrifying, and it is ok for kids to feel their feelings in the midst of this situation.
“It’s okay to feel scared or sad. I’m right here with you.”
TACOS (Take care of self)
• Children mirror your regulation. Get support from other adults, rest when you can, and eat something. Again, this type of guidance is going to vary based on the family's level of trauma and exposure to the event.
📅 DAYS TO WEEKS AFTER
RE-ESTABLISH ROUTINE
• Predictable structure provides a sense of control and safety. "The world is still spinning as it always has been"
• Keep meals, bedtimes, and family rituals consistent. Family prayers, family dinners, highs and lows in your day, etc.
Talk in developmentally appropriate ways
Ages 2–6: Use simple language. Focus on reassuring physical safety
“A very scary thing happened. A lot of people are sad. But there are helpers keeping us safe.” Point to hope.
Ages 6–10: Answer questions honestly but without unnecessary detail. Sometimes, kids at this age may wonder if they did something to cause the situation. Remind them of the truth.
Ages 11-14: Kids may start to want to know and understand much more about details. Why did this happen? What could have been done differently? Anticipate questions like this.
Ages 15+: This is going to mirror more adult like conversations. Evaluation of the event is going to happen, and work to give factual answers to the truth. Teach empathy, focus on what they may or may not to be able to help. For instance, walk them through the stages of grief, what families who lost loved ones may be feeling, and what they could consider to do to help those who are suffering.
CHOICE AND VOICE
Trauma often makes kids (and adults as well) feel helpless. Offer small decisions to restore confidence. Trauma has tendency to lend to ideas such as "whats the point of trying?" "why bother", etc. Kids need to know their choices matter, and their voices need to be heard.
How can we help? Find ways to pray and support the families who are going through this. Consider little things your family can do to help support a family who has lost a loved one.
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⏳ LONG-TERM SUPPORT (Weeks and Months ahead)
MONITOR:
Watch for behaviors that persist or worsen:
• Nightmares, sleep terrors, sleep disruptions, sleep challenges
• Aggressive behavior, atypical tantrums or withdrawal
• Physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches, etc)
• Regression (talking in baby voice, needing constant reassurance, constant questions) lasting more than a few weeks
• Hyper-vigilant behavior, including avoidance of reminders (e.g., sirens, locations, excessive weather checking, etc)
If these symptoms continue for a prolonged period or worsen, consider seeking support through a trauma-informed child therapist (e.g., certified in TF-CBT or child centered play therapy or EMDR).
COPING
Even young kids can learn:
• “Smell the flower, blow the candle” breathing
• Drawing “feelings faces”
• Using a calm-down spot to go through positive self talk "I'm safe. I'm ok."
There is a lot to consider on coping skills through a massive tragedy, but the key is to continue to have open communication with your child.
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🧠 For Parents Themselves
You may experience:
- Helplessness
- Anxiety
- Rage and anger (Why do events like this happen?)
- Grief and sadness
Parents are not weak for needing help. Parenting through trauma is a form of trauma.
Seek out:
• Local grief/trauma support groups
• Counseling (EMDR or trauma-focused therapy)
• Trauma-informed parenting resources (hat trick to Mend Counseling):
Books:
- The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
- The Body Keeps the Score By Van Der Kolk
- What Happened to You- Bruce Perry
- The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland
- Dino Tales: Life Guides for Families When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny Brown
- Everywhere, Still: A Book about Loss, Grief, and the Way Love Continues by MH Clark
- Why Do Things Die? By Katie Daynes
- How Do We Tell the Children? Fourth Edition: A Step-by-Step Guide for Helping Children and Teens Cope When Someone Dies by Dan Schaefer and Christine Lyons
- It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine
Journal:
- How I Feel: Grief Journal for Kids: Guided Prompts to Explore Your Feelings and Find Peace by Mia Roldan LCSW, LCDC
Workbook:
- The Invisible String Workbook: Creative Activities to Comfort, Calm, and Connect by Patrice Karst and Dana Wyss
- Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas by Alan D Wolfelt PhD
To close, I read an article in Dallas Morning News, and this was helpful advice:
"Michelle Gielan, happiness researcher and author of Broadcasting Happiness, once offered me a strategy for consuming bad news you can’t do anything about. “Read it, pray about it, then take one small step to heal something broken in your circle of influence. Remind your brain that your behavior matters. This will counteract the paralysis of sadness and overwhelm.”
I plan to focus next newsletter on some of the inspiring and heroic stories that came out of this event.
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